Uncle Greg
by Mother Nature's Daughter
Summary: Gregory House is a lot of things: arrogant, sarcastic, rude, brilliant. The one thing he is not, however, is a babysitter to his young niece. Oh, the havoc and chaos that can ensue with a seven year old in the hospital...
1. Part One

**Title: **_Uncle Greg_

**Author:** _Mother Nature's Daughter_; Sam

**Summary:** Gregory House is a lot of things: arrogant, sarcastic, rude, brilliant. The one thing he is _not_, however, is a babysitter to his young niece. But that doesn't stop his sister from forcing him into taking the girl to work with him while she's away. "She _really_ did it. She stuck me with the little bugger…_all day_."

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language

**Author's Note: **This is my first _House_ story, but I worked hard on it and even got it beta'd, so I hope you won't find it _too_ OOC. Also: I've been told that in canon House is actually an only child, so this is a little AU-ish, I suppose.

**One more thing: **This _is_ a oneshot, but it actually ended up being too long to post at the same time. So I've split it into two parts—this is the first half of the story, and the rest will be posted in the next few weeks. **Reviews are very much appreciated; constructive criticism more than welcome.**

And a special shout out to the talented **Jinxeh** for beta-ing all of this; you rock my socks, girl!

-o0o-

Gregory House was _not_ a people person. It just wasn't in his nature to be kind, loving, or portray any of that oh-so-_heartwarming_ stuff that other people seemed so fond of. He was cold, and sometimes callous to his team of doctors, frequently came close to verbally abusing his best friend, and didn't even _speak_ to his family.

Except for one member. Unfortunately.

House didn't _want_ to have a relationship with his younger—and dreadfully annoying—sister, and he wanted to have a relationship with her seven-year-old daughter even less. The girl's father left them a long time ago; what happened, or why it happened, House didn't know, didn't care, and could only smile smugly that his theory about 'true love' proved true once again.

But that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that his five-year-younger sister, Natalie, refused to leave him _alone._ She lived a few hours away, across the state line, and was constantly trying to meet him for lunch or something…except, House didn't _do _lunch. He was a very busy at the hospital, after all.

At least, that's what he told her.

The other thing Natalie always tried to get him to do was to be a loving uncle to her daughter—House couldn't even remember her name: Lindsay, Lauren, Lexy—and instead of making up an excuse about work, he just flat out told her…_no._

House was not a people person…but he was even _less_ of a little children person.

-o0o-

It was completely dark outside on the cold winter morning. There were no streetlights on; no windows in any houses or apartments were lit, except for one.

The light in Gregory House's flat was on, and he was home. He always got up early, and this morning was no exception. It was eerily quiet, and usually nothing made any sound. But this morning was a bit different, because something did disturb him this morning—the phone rang, jolting him out of his bleary reverie as he sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He made a strange, unidentifiable noise to attest to his annoyance at this, and grabbed the telephone sitting on his desk none-too-gently.

"Who are you and why are you calling so early? Have a good reason or I'm hanging up _now_."

"Greg?"

House lowered the phone down from his ear, resisting the urge to groan. He almost hung up then and there, without even hearing the reason why his sister would be calling so early. He really wasn't in the mood to fight off another 'we should have lunch' or 'you need to drive down soon', he really wasn't...

"No," he said automatically when he brought the phone back to his ear.

"No lunch this time, Greg," Natalie Williams assured her brother. "I have to go out of town for work—"

"What do you do again? Dan—never mind."

"I'm a lawyer." Natalie sounded annoyed.

"Bet you don't save lives," House said. "I do."

"I'm not in the mood to fight with you, Greg. I have to go out of town to meet up with a client. The nanny that usually watches Laura is sick…"

"Oh, no." House knew what she was getting at. Why was she even bothering to ask him this, he wondered?

"…And it's only for today. I'll be back by tonight…"

"I won't do it."

"And...I need you to watch Laura for me."

"I _knew _it!" House declared. "But I won't do it."

"Greg," Natalie pleaded. "It's only one day."

"Well, then, if that's the case, I'll have to think about it for a minute," House told his sister. "…_No._"

"I have to go to this meeting, Greg," Natalie said from the other end of the line. "And Laura can't go with me. It'll only be for one day—I'll be back late tonight, I swear."

"So just give her a bag of chips, pop in a movie, and set her on your couch—there's a nine out of ten chance she'll still be there when you get home."

"She's _seven_, Greg!"

"Old enough to open the 'fridge if she gets hungry. Perfect."

"Gregory _House_." House assumed he was supposed to be intimidated by the use of his full name, but Natalie never could never really 'scare' him. Only annoy.

"Only watch her for today. _One_ day."

House made a face at the phone and spun around in his swiveling chair. "You keep saying that—and I keep saying 'no.' It's a fun game, and as much as I'm enjoying myself…"

"You've probably only seen her twice in her _life_, Greg," Natalie growled, stopping House from hanging up the phone.

"Once," House corrected. "The last time I sent Wilson."

Natalie sighed. "Just do this for me."

"Can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm a busy man," House said. "In case you've forgotten, I save _lives_. I can't just bring your little bugger with me. Saving lives just doesn't leave room for much else."

"But she'd love spending the day at the hospital with you…"

House snorted. "You don't actually think I'd bring her _there_, to the hospital, do you? That is, provided I was watching her. Which I'm _not._"

"You wouldn't leave a little girl out in the street would you?" Natalie asked slyly.

"What…" House started suspiciously, knowing that Natalie was planning something—she always was, even when she was little. Probably why she became a lawyer, the brat.

"Well…" Natalie's voice hid a smile. "Say someone came up to you and pushed a little girl into your arms—then split. You wouldn't just toss the girl out, would you?"

"Actually, I woul…" That was when House heard the sound of a motor humming in the background from Natalie's end of the phone. "You're in your car," he accused.

"Close." From wherever Natalie was, a car door slammed. "I just got out of it."

"Where are you?" House was beginning to figure out what was going on. For once, the trickster was being tricked…and he didn't like it. "God, you're _here_."

"Right you are, dear brother."

"...Damn."

-o0o-

The doorbell rang only a moment after Natalie spoke, and House didn't even have to think about who it was on the other side. He knew.

The doorknob turned. House wished he had locked it. He wasn't sure why it wasn't locked, anyway; he didn't really trust the other people who lived nearby. The door opened a crack. House wished he was closer so he could slam it closed and _then_ lock it.

But the door wasn't locked and wouldn't be locked; instead it opened to reveal House's blasted sister and her little brat. The latter of the two being sound asleep in her mother's arms.

"Hello, Greg." Natalie smirked.

"Oh, _hi_," House greeted her sarcastically. He stood up and grabbed his cane from its post near the desk. Limping over to the door that Natalie had just kicked closed behind her, he told her, "I'm glad you could stop by—but if you have to leave, I get it. I know how _busy_ you are." With that he opened the door with a gallant sweep.

"You can't make me leave, Greg." Natalie shifted her daughter to the other hip.

"I can't," House admitted. "Judge can. I swear, I'll sue."

"And if I go bankrupt, _you'll_ have custody of Laura."

House shut up.

Closing the door with a sigh, House stared at the little girl in Natalie's arms. Eyeing her distastefully, House made a face close to a wince. "I don't want her."

Natalie didn't humor House with an answer. Instead, she lowered her sleeping daughter, Laura, from her arms to the couch.

"Don't—" House started, but it was too late: Natalie had already settled Laura comfortably on the couch. With a sound much like a whimper, the doctor looked mournfully at the couch and then his sister. "I _sit _there."

"You're intolerable." Natalie didn't even sound amused. She sat down on the edge of the couch next to her daughter and fondly brushed the hair out of her daughter's eyes. "Laura, sweetie, wake up. We're at Uncle Greg's house."

The affect of her words was immediate. The little brown-haired girl flew up like a shot and glanced wildly around. "Uncle Greg?"

'Uncle Greg' was a name commonly spoken by Laura. The seven-year-old girl had only seen the man once in her life, about a year ago, when Natalie cornered House into having lunch. But she'd had such a good time (House not enjoying himself nearly as much) that she hadn't stopped asking her mom when they could see him again.

Her blue eyes settled on House and she gave a little squeal. Scrambling off the couch she raced towards him, yelling as she did: "Uncle Greg! Uncle Greg!"

"…Isn't here." House put his cane on Laura's chest, stopping her in her tracks, before she could come any closer. There was no way he wanted her hugging his leg, or something.

"You're going to go to work with Uncle Greg today, Laura." From her spot on the couch, Natalie smirked at House's glare. "Won't it be fun?"

Laura's eyes grew wide and she spoke in a whisper. "Really?"

"No," House said. "Not really. You—and your mom—were just _leaving._"

Laura's face fell. Her eyes filled with water. House wouldn't have cared if she'd cried, so long as she didn't get his cane, still pushed up against her chest, wet. But Natalie cared; before her little girl could even sniffle, the woman picked her up.

Shooting a glare at House, Natalie said, "Oh, Uncle Greg is just _kidding_, I'm sure…"

"Yeah, _kidding…_" House mumbled.

"You really do get to spend the day with him. But Mommy has to go to work—I'll be back tonight, okay?"

Laura nodded, glad she really would be able to stay with her uncle.

"Be a good girl." Natalie gave her daughter a kiss on the cheek, and then, with a quick glance at her watch, she gave a little jump. "I need to go _now_, or I'm going to miss the meeting altogether—already gonna be late."

"Just you _wait _a minute," House ordered when Natalie was halfway out the door. "_You're _not going _anywhere _without _that_." He pointed his cane at Laura.

Natalie grinned. "See yah."

She backed out of the door before closing it quickly. House could only stand there as he heard a car start and then drive away.

House's eyes widened in disbelief. She had really done it. He'd doubted that his sister had the guts to leave her daughter with him, but he didn't doubt her anymore. "She really did it. She stuck me with the little bugger…"

All day.

-o0o-

"But mommy said I was going to _work_ with you," Laura whined to her uncle.

"Mommy lied." House bent down to whisper as if he was telling her a big secret. "Mommy lies a lot, you know. Can never trust a woman with a child."

Straightening back up, House told the little girl: "Actually, instead of going to work, you get to stay _here. _Alone. Isn't that what…you know, _big girls_ get to do?"

"But I wanna go with you!" Laura huffed.

"Little girls aren't allowed at the hospital," House lied.

"But you just called me a big girl. Big girls are allowed _anywhere_."

"…_Except_ the hospital." House shrugged on his leather coat and headed for the door. With a hand on the doorknob, House added, as an afterthought, "And don't _touch_ anything."

House went out the door, then, leaving the little girl standing in the middle of his living room.

-o0o-

House had one leg over his motorcycle, and was seconds away from speeding away, when he heard it.

House froze, in his one-leg-on-the-motorcycle position. That sound. The _crash _sound. The sound of something breaking. Something of _his._

It was that girl, the brat. She must've done something. Clenching his jaw, House got all the way off his bike and just stood there, looking at his front door. After a moment, House pulled his leather jacket tighter before limping over and into his house.

-o0o-

"It was an _accident_, Uncle Greg," Laura vowed. "I _swear._"

Instead of fussing over Laura and repeatedly asking if she was all right, like most adults would have done, House was more worried over his plates. It wasn't like the ceramic plates meant something to him—$2.99 at Wal-Mart—but it was just _annoying._

According to the tale Laura had told, which House had only half-listened to, the child had stood on a chair to reach the plates. She wanted breakfast. But the plates had been too heavy for the bugger and she dropped them—_all _of them—before falling off the counter herself.

House wasn't worried about Laura. If the little girl could stand in front of him, neither bleeding nor crying, she was just fine, as far as he was concerned. He was more annoyed at the mess _he _would have to clean up later.

"Are you mad?" Laura whispered when House didn't say anything.

"You bet I'm ma—" House didn't finish the sentence because just then, the phone rang. House mumbled something to Laura about it being her mom or _else_, and then grudgingly grabbed the phone.

"_House!_"

"Uh-oh." House lowered the phone to his shoulder as Lisa Cuddy called him names over the phone. He could still hear her, though, and by the size of Laura's pupils, so could she.

"Mommy said that word was _bad_," she told House. "People aren't supposed to say it."

"You're absolutely right," House replied dryly. Raising the phone back up to his ear, he smirked, as if Cuddy could actually see him.

"Hi, _Cuddy_."

"I'm going to _murder_ you, House!" Judging by the venom that could be heard in Cuddy's voice, she wasn't kidding. Good thing his sister was a lawyer. "You were supposed to be at the hospital an _hour_ ago!"

"And here I thought this was going to be a social call."

"Don't play games with me, House," Cuddy ordered. "Why aren't you here?"

"This kid showed up at my door—" House started.

"You have clinic duty today," Cuddy continued as if she hadn't even heard House speak. And she probably hadn't. "So whatever excuse you can come up with, I won't believe you; I'll just call you for what you are, you lying _bas_—"

House lowered the phone and covered Laura's ear just in time. She smiled up at him and House raised his eyebrows.

"Don't tell Mommy you heard that."

Picking the phone back up just in time for Cuddy to finish yelling—at least for now—House managed to get out, "Language, Cuddy, language. Don't talk like that—I have a kid."

"_You what?_"

House stifled a snort, and Laura looked questioningly up at him. He pointed to the phone and grinned. When Laura only looked confused, he waved her away.

"She's not _mine._" House covered the phone with his hand and mouthed the word 'Right?' to Laura, who just blinked. Raising the phone up to his ear again, he continued, "I'm only watching her."

"You're babysitting a little girl?" Cuddy responded sarcastically. "I don't buy that one, House. That has to be the sorriest excuse to get out of clinic duty you've came up with yet."

"I'm not lying. But, _god_, I wish I was."

"You expect me to believe you're _taking care_ of a _child_ because you _want_ to?" Cuddy asked.

"Well…no," House said bluntly. "I don't _want_ to watch her. Her mom just…showed up and left her." He brightened as an idea struck him. "You want her?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I seem to remember a time when you _desperately _wanted a child," House said. "I have one here, and _I _don't want her, so you can just _take_ her. No charge."

"Who is she?" Cuddy dismissed House's offered and concentrated on settling her curiosity.

"My sister's girl."

"Your niece?"

"No," House said. "…Well, maybe _technically_. But that would make me her uncle—a title I'm not willing to live up to. No, to me she's just an annoying brat that my blasted sister stuck me with."

"Wait a minute." Cuddy still sounded disbelieving. "You have a sister? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I loathe to claim her as a relative of mine."

"I _know_ you're lying, House," Cuddy said. "Stop playing games and making up imaginary little girls and get your ass—"

House covered the phone up again and told Laura, "Don't tell your mom you heard that word, either."

"…Here and do the clinic duty you have to do."

"What am I supposed to do with the kid?"

"Bring your imaginary friend with you, House." Cuddy spoke to him like she would a child. "And I expect you here in no less than half an hour."

"But—"

Cuddy hung up.

House lowered the phone slowly and looked at Laura like he would greet a rattlesnake in his shoe.

"So...ever ridden a motorcycle?"

-o0o-

House hated holding the little girl in front of him on his bike as he sped down the road to reach the hospital. But he hated the thought of having Laura cling to his waist even more. And the thought of taking a bus even more than _that._

So he held her.

He had a wince on his face the entire time, and held her with one arm as lightly as he could while still holding her tight enough so she stayed on. He drove as slowly fast as he could—he was in a hurry to get there, but, again, he didn't dare go so fast that she might fall off. He didn't want to face murder charges, especially since his sister would probably be the one prosecuting him. Not that that wouldn't be a conflict of interests, or anything...

Laura, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. She sat on the seat delicately, as if she wanted to jump up and down (but House had told her _not_ to do that in the first five minutes of the ride). She was grinning and squealing in a way that made House want to drop her off on the side of the road and leave her there. And, to top it all off, she was clapping her hands together and screaming, "Faster, Uncle Greg, faster! Isn't this _fun_, Uncle Greg?"

If House heard the words 'Uncle Greg' again, he was going to kill her.

-o0o-

The ride to the hospital seemed to take longer than it had ever done before. House was ready to shoot the girl; even Laura had grown tired of sitting still, and just wanted to be able to move around.

"Hey, Unc—"

"Don't even say it, girl," House warned. "What do you want?"

"Are we there yet?"

"To my and your relief, yes," House said, turning into the parking lot of the hospital as he said it.

"This is where you work?" Laura asked. "Do we get off the bike here?"

House nodded. Muttering under his breath, he parked the bike.

"Thank god..."

-o0o-

"Don't tell your mom you rode on that thing." House pointed his cane to the bike that was parked in its usual spot. "She'll probably never let you near me agai…"

House trailed off as that thought came to him. "On second thought, make sure you _do _tell your mom you rode on that bike. Tell her _multiple_ times. Make it sound dangerous, okay?"

"Okay," Laura chirped cheerfully, being willing to do anything House told her to. As much as House hated it, Laura idolized him.

Laura skipped on ahead of House as he limped into the hospital. Laura was so far ahead of House that she went unnoticed by the dean of medicine, on her way to the door, but House entered the building just in time to have a front row seat for Lisa Cuddy's fury.

"_There_ you are!" Cuddy stared at him with one of those _looks_ that would go along with a hands-on-hips position…only Cuddy wasn't one to put her hands on her hips.

"Here I am," House repeated casually.

"Alone, I see." The curious glance that Cuddy cast behind House showed that she really wasn't completely convinced he _didn't_ have a girl with him. "Your imaginary friend couldn't make it?"

"The kid ran that way." House used his handy-dandy cane to point at the little girl that was currently standing by the counter, stretching as far as she could to reach the bowl of suckers House loved so much.

"And," House added, "if you don't get to her fast she'd going to tip that—"

The—miraculously—_plastic_ bowl fell with a _thud._

"Too late," House said calmly. "She already spilled all the candy."

Cuddy had turned at the sound of the bowl hitting the floor, and when she spotted the little girl that stood right next to it—trying her hardest to look innocent but failing miserably—she looked like she wanted to throw her hands up in the air in frustration.

"Is she really yours?"

"We've been over this," House remarked impatiently. "She's _not _mine. But she did just so _happen_ to come with me."

"Then clean the mess up."

House stood there, unmoving. Cuddy gave him a sideways glance.

"I _mean_ it, House," she threatened. "She's _your_ niece—"

"Don't call her _that_…"

"—y_ou_ clean it up."

-o0o-

"Well that wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be," House mused as he leaned on the counter. "In fact, I hardly had to work to clean it up at all."

"That's because _I _cleaned up the candy, Uncle Greg," Laura said.

"But we already had the conversation about not telling Cuddy that, right?" House asked, motioning for Laura to hand him the last of the suckers she had just put in the bowl.

"Yes."

"I couldn't remember." House looked a little more content with his baby-sitting situation when Laura gave him a sucker.

"I'm done!" Laura chirped as she stood on tiptoe to push the bowl back to its spot on the counter. "What are we gonna do now, Uncle Greg?"

"_First,_ you're going to _stop _calling me 'Uncle Greg'." House pulled the sucker out of his mouth with a _pop_ and pointed the sucker at his niece. "I'm not your uncle in the sense that I'm a cool guy—" House paused. "—well, I _am_ a cool guy—but I'm not a loving uncle that will take you places and buy you things and all that…_not_-so-good stuff, okay? So don't call me your uncle."

House reached his hand into the candy bowl and pocketed a few more suckers for later before continuing. "Second, I have stuff to do that you can't help with, so you're just going to have to…do something else."

Laura looked a bit puzzled at House's long rants, but, so far, she was following along.

"That's all," House concluded. "I have to go find my team—"

"_House!_"

"—and avoid the angry owner of that voice." House left Laura standing at the counter as he fled the scene, surprisingly fast for a 'cripple', that Cuddy was currently on her way to reach.

-o0o-

He didn't get far.

Despite the fact that House was a master at moving quickly with a cane, Lisa Cuddy never let him get away.

She grabbed him by his arm and dragged him into her office, but since he had been standing directly out front of her doors when she caught up with him, House didn't see the point of going the extra few steps.

She got him in there, though, and went behind her desk to sit down. Once she did, she looked a little better. She must've been tired.

"You still have to do that clinic duty, House," she told him.

"What about the kid?" House nodded towards Laura, who had followed after the bickering doctors into the dean's office and now stood at House's side.

"Good idea, using a girl you _didn't_ want to watch to get out of clinic duty." Cuddy didn't even look up from rearranging the papers on her desk.

"Nothing like it, I don't think," House replied.

"You're still doing clinic duty," Cuddy said. "It's only an _hour_, House. I know you can do it."

"I know I can, too," House responded smoothly; "I just don't want to."

"You don't have a case today." Cuddy silenced House's protest before it even left his mouth. "I've already looked; nothing for you. So you have nothing _better_ to do than to go serve your clinic duty."

"'Serve your clinic duty' makes it sound like a prison sentence."

"For you, I'm sure it is." Cuddy smirked at House's glare and told him, "Leave."

House shrugged and turned to go, but when Laura started following him, he stopped and turned to her.

"Hey, _I _have an idea," he said to the little girl with false brightness. "Why don't you stay here with _Aunt Cuddy_?"

"_Aunt Cuddy?_" The dean of medicine shrieked; perhaps she was more surprised at the thought of being married to House in order to be Laura's aunt than the idea of watching the little girl.

"…Unofficial Aunt Cuddy," House corrected, exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

"House!" Cuddy whisper-screamed, flying to the door and opening it before House had the time to go two steps away from it. "I can't watch her!"

"Why not?" House looked over his shoulder at her.

"I don't even know her _name_!"

"Ask her what it is. She knows how to talk." House looked at the silent Laura; who hadn't said a word the whole time House and Cuddy had been arguing. "She may not look like it, but she can."

"I'm _working_!" Cuddy was becoming desperate; knowing the battle was already lost. It always was, when it came to arguing with Gregory House.

"So am I," House smirked. "Clinic duty, remember?"

Cuddy glared daggers through House, who only shrugged and walked away, leaving Laura with another baby-sitter, much like Natalie had done only hours before.

"You're a jackass, House!"

-o0o-


	2. Part Two

**Title: **_Uncle Greg_

**Author:** _Mother Nature's Daughter_; Sam

**Summary:** Gregory House is a lot of things: arrogant, sarcastic, rude, brilliant. The one thing he is _not_, however, is a babysitter to his young niece. But that doesn't stop his sister from forcing him into taking the girl to work with him while she's away. "She _really_ did it. She stuck me with the little bugger…_all day_."

**Rating:** PG-13 for mild language

**Author's Note:** All right, here it is—the last bit of the story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first half, and to the readers who enjoyed it. This half's for you all! I hope you like it. I have noticed that some have put the story on their alert/favourite lists, and I would very much apperciate any feedback you'd be willing to give after you're done reading this last bit.

Once again, **Reviews are very much appreciated; constructive criticism more than welcome.**

-o0o-

"It hurts everywhere I poke, doc. If I poke either knee, it hurts. If I poke my shoulder, it hurts. If I poke my neck, it hurts. And if poke my—"

"It hurts," House interrupted. "I get it."

House despised clinic duty. Right now, being forced to interact with _this_ idiot; he couldn't decide whether he disliked this less than he disliked baby-sitting.

"Can you help me, doc?" a young man, only nineteen or twenty, asked him worriedly. He ran a hand through his shaggy brown-black hair and blew through his lips.

House pushed the swiveling chair he was sitting in across the room, away from the kid. "You still in school?"

The man's brows furrowed at the irrelevance of the question, but he answered. "No. I dropped out at sixteen. I was bored with it."

"Idiot," House replied as he spun back to the other boy. Not only was flying across the room endlessly entertaining, it almost made him look like he was happy to be here.

"Excuse me?" The man stared at House, his mouth slightly agape.

"Maybe if you stayed in school you'd be less of a dumbass." House paused. "Then again, maybe you're just _stupid_."

"Do you always insult patients before diagnosing them?"

"When I can," House said smoothly. "As for diagnosing you...there's nothing to diagnose."

"Are you kidding me?" The man was beginning to doubt House's credibility as a doctor. "I'm in pain no matter where I poke myself. That's something to diagnose, don't you think?"

"Your left forefinger—the one you keep poking different body parts with—is…_broken_." House made it sound as dramatic as he could. "The purple swelling around your knuckle's not hormones, you know."

Shooting a quick glance at the clock on the wall, House brightened suddenly. The black second hand moved across the screen, and House counted with them.

When it struck just the right number, House flew out of his chair and grabbed his cane. "...And my hour's up," he announced.

"What about my finger?" The man looked up from staring at the swelling to glance at the doctor with a panicked expression.

"You should probably get it looked at," House recommended, opening the office door and leaving before slamming it closed behind him.

-o0o-

There was no case to be solved, and House's team had nothing to do. And, really, neither did House. There was no need for him to go and interact with them at all.

But that didn't stop him from going to make fun of them anyway.

-o0o-

House had his feet up on his desk and had crossed them in the position of being generally comfortable. With a contented sigh, he watched the soap opera that the portable TV he had was always channeled to.

"That's Susie," House announced, pointing to the TV. "She didn't marry the other guy; she's not going to marry this guy either." His voice turned into a whisper. "He has even _less_ money than her _former_ guy."

The two members of House's team that were in the room—Eric Foreman and Robert Chase— barely moved.

"I can't say that I care," Robert Chase muttered. He was feeling particularly cross today; putting up with House on a good day—one where he actually got to be a _doctor_—was challenging enough, but on days were they had no patients to tend to, putting up with House was always an extra struggle.

Usually Foreman tended to agree, but he wasn't really paying much attention. He stared down at the newspaper crossword he was using to occupy himself. Unfortunately, he was only succeeding in putting himself to sleep. Foreman never could concentrate on word puzzles. Thinking aloud, he announced to the two other men in his room: "A six-letter word that starts with 'a'."

"Hmm…" House looked directly at Chase as he spoke. "Try _Anti-GH._" 'General Hospital' was his favorite soap, and happened to be the one he was watching now.

When Chase sent him a _look_, House merely continued. "What? They don't have soaps in England?"

Chase rolled his eyes. He and House had been over this before—he wasn't British. But House still called him a Brit, just to tick him off. Returning House's stare, he told Foreman, "Here's an idea. Try the word '_Aussie'_."

House scoffed and broke the stare. "Until the Queen's off your money, you're British."

-o0o-

The phone in Cuddy's office had started ringing about ten minutes ago.

...And it hadn't stopped ringing since.

So now, as Cuddy had phone conversation after phone conversation, Laura sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk and stared at her feet—her legs weren't long enough to touch the ground—as they swung back and forth. The little girl listened to what Dr. Cuddy was saying to whoever was on the other end of the phone, but none of it meant anything to her.

"Would you just stop _complaining_ and do your damn—"

Laura looked up from the ground when Cuddy stopped talking suddenly. She didn't know why the older woman was staring at her so guiltily; maybe it had something to do with what she had said. Her mom had said that word before, and had always looked at Laura liked that afterwards. She didn't know _why_, because nobody ever looked at her after they said any _other_ words.

Adults were so silly, sometimes.

After another moment of staring at the girl, Cuddy seemed to remember she was on the phone. She went back to the conversation at hand, but seemed more mindful of her word choice.

"Just get the da…stupid prescription filled, and fill it _right_."

Cuddy gently lowered the phone and started to say something to Laura, but no sooner had she opened her mouth before the phone rang again.

-o0o-

She sat quietly for a while, but soon Laura began to get bored. She wondered where her Uncle Greg had gone, and when he would be coming back. Whoever the woman was that he had left him with, she wasn't very fun at all; Laura would much rather be with Uncle Greg. Most of the time she didn't understand what he was saying, but she enjoyed listening to the funny way he said words...Mommy called it "sarcasm."

Laura hopped down out of the chair and inched closer to the door. Cuddy didn't notice. Little Laura walked all the way to the door and stared out the lowest part of the glass.

When Cuddy didn't notice _that_, either, Laura decided to press her luck. Opening the door just a few feet, only wide enough for Laura to squeeze her small body through, the little girl walked right out of Cuddy's office.

And Cuddy didn't notice.

-o0o-

Laura had been to a hospital only one time in her short life: when she had fallen off her bike and scraped her knee to the bone. Her knee had needed something her mom called "stitches", but it had only reminded Laura of her grandmother's needle and thread. Except the needle they put in her _hurt._

After she was all patched up, and it was time for her mom to "fill out the paperwork" before going home, Laura had been terrified as she stood next to the counter; all the sounds of the hospital, all the rushing people and large machines that made funny noises were too much for someone only five. She did nothing but cling to her mother the whole time.

But that wasn't how she felt now.

She was only _five_ when she got the cut; which made her a _little_ girl. Little girls were supposed to be scared. But now she was _seven_ and she was a _big_ girl. Big girls weren't scared of _anything_.

….Except the moving bed that happened to be heading right towards her

The man was screaming in the ear of another, younger-looking man while at the same time pushing a small bed carry a bleeding woman on it down the hallway. He was coming towards the little girl that stood merely feet in front of him, and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.

Heart thudding, Laura jumped out of the way. The man pushing the bed didn't even slow down. Hadn't he ever heard of looking both ways before?

Wary of another scare like that, Laura decided it would be best if she found Uncle Greg as _soon_ as possible.

-o0o-

Laura wasn't all that worried. The hospital looked really, really, _really_ big, but Laura felt she would be able to find Uncle Greg soon. In a way, her seven-year-old mind kept comparing her search to a game of hide-and-seek with her only uncle. Except…Uncle Greg didn't know he was hiding.

Which would only make him easier to find, right?

Opening a door in one of the hallways, Laura saw a small, pale man laying in a white bed with a bunch of tubes in him. He appeared to be asleep and didn't look up when she came in, so she didn't wake him.

"You're not my Uncle Greg," She said matter-of-factly, closing the door again.

"You _idiot_!"

Laura stopped to listen at the screaming coming from the room across the hall from the room she had just closed. Uncle Greg had called people idiots lots of times, she remembered. Maybe…

"You're not my Uncle Greg." Laura was a bit surprised when she opened the door to see a woman hitting a man with her bag. She was calling him an idiot, but she was screaming so loud she didn't sound like any woman Laura had ever met before.

"You were _cheating_ on me?" The woman hit him again. "For six _months_?"

Laura didn't understand. As she closed _that_ door behind her, she wondered aloud. "They weren't playing a game…"

They didn't even have the board or pieces or anything. How could he have cheated if they weren't even playing a board game?

Laura decided not to dwell on it anymore. There were only a few rooms left in this hall, anyway…

-o0o-

"You're not my Uncle Greg."

The last door in the hallway shut behind the seven-year-old. Laura had searched every one in the hallway. No one had seen her open the doors, expect for one elderly lady with more wrinkles than Laura's grandmother even had. She had been kind enough, though, and when Laura had told her she wasn't her Uncle Greg, the old woman had only replied that Laura was in the wrong room.

But Laura knew she was in the wrong room. What she needed to find was the _right_ room.

The little girl was more bored with her situation than worried. She knew Uncle Greg was here somewhere, but Laura was getting tired of looking for him.

Even when Uncle Greg didn't know he was hiding, he could still hide really well…

-o0o-

Laura's mother had always told her: don't talk to strangers.

But Laura was getting really tired of searching for Uncle Greg by herself. Maybe if she just asked one person, it would be okay. And she would make sure that person was nice, too. Mommy would approve of that plan, she would have to; little Laura could think of no other way to do it.

So Laura decided that the next time she saw someone in a white coat like a lot of the people here had on, she would ask them if they knew Uncle Greg.

As it turned out, the little girl didn't have to look far: The very next person walking down the hall towards her was wearing a white coat. She wasn't exactly smiling, but she didn't look mean either. Maybe she would be a good person to ask.

But, just to be safe, Laura would have to make sure…

-o0o-

"Are you nice?"

"I like to…think so, yeah." Allison Cameron was genuinely confused as she stared down at the little girl that held her coat sleeve. Looking around her, Cameron couldn't see anyone that looked like they might be missing a little girl. Where had she come from?

"Do you know my Uncle Greg?"

"Uncle…Greg?" Cameron only knew one Greg, and he was no uncle.

"Uh-huh." The girl nodded her head. "I came here with him but then he had to go and do something I couldn't help with and now I can't find him."

"Listen, sweetie," Cameron said gently. "Are you lost?"

This time, the child shook her head. "Not really. I just don't know where Uncle Greg went. Do you know him?"

"Honey, I can't say I know your uncle." Cameron bent down to look the little girl in the eye. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"Laura," the little girl answered. "But if you don't know my Uncle Greg, do you know someone who does?"

"Laura," Cameron said kindly. "Can you tell me what he looks like? Is he the only person you're here with? Where's your mommy?"

"Uncle Greg's a doctor," Laura chirped cheerfully. "And my mommy had to go to work so he was watching me. He walks with a cane." Laura pretended to limp away from Cameron and then limped back with her invisible cane. "He went to go do something and now I can't find him, like I said."

"Okay." Cameron was hooked up on the cane part of the description. But Gregory House an uncle? Baby-sitting his niece? Cameron shook her head. No way. "Laura, sweetie, can you come with me?"

"Can you take me to Uncle Greg?" she asked, already taking Cameron's outstretched hand.

"I think so..."

-o0o-

"Name a four-letter word that starts with 'b' and ends with 't'," Foreman said, his pen scribbling back and forth on the newspaper. He sat at the glass table, across from Chase, and hadn't moved from that spot since he sat down.

"You're still working on that thing?" Chase raised his head up from where he had laid it on the table and looked over at the dark skinned man, who had his head bent to look at the paper and didn't notice. "We've been working on it for over an hour."

"He's right." House didn't even move from his spot on the desk. Like Foreman and Chase, he hadn't moved for awhile, either. He still sat where he had positioned himself at his desk when his soap had came on. It had since then gone off, of course, but House didn't feel like moving. "You're an idiot."

"Last one, I promise." Foreman's head stayed bent. He didn't notice Chase lower his head back down on the table in frustration or House's scoff—even so, House couldn't resist the puzzle for long.

"_Brit,_" the doctor suggested. He put on an innocent face when Chase raised his head to glare at him. Smirking, he lowered his legs from the desk and spun around in his chair in amusement. As he spun, he kept naming words. "Beat…Best…Bent…"

His chair coming full circle once again, House got a clear view out the glass windows that served as walls for his office. He saw his missing team member walking toward them, with someone considerably shorter and smaller in size than his employee. As he recognized the brown-haired, blue-eyed girl, he stopped spinning and grimaced.

"_Brat._"

-o0o-

"She belong to you?" Cameron asked House in a would-be casual voice, gesturing towards the small girl that had entered the room with her.

"No," House said bluntly.

"Uncle Greg!" Laura came out from behind Cameron and rushed over to the doctor, proving once and for all that House knew her. In response, House used his cane to push against the desk and send the chair and him along with it flying away from her.

Laura stopped. "You're a _really_ good hider, Uncle Greg."

"Uncle…Greg? House is an _uncle_?" Chase's eyes were wide in surprise. Foreman didn't look much different. Finally putting down his crossword, the dark skinned man had exchanged a perplexed glance with Chase before the both of them turned to stare with interest at Laura; the little girl was now exploring the office with the normal level of curiosity for someone her age.

"You have a lot of stuff, Uncle Greg…" She was muttering to herself, and no one really paid much attention to her as she looked at House's 'stuff'. So long as she didn't touch anything…

"I'm not her _uncle_, no," House grumbled. "She's my sister's kid, or something."

"So you _are_ an uncle." Chase's eyes went from Laura to House.

"No."

"But—"

"Just…" Cameron interrupted, shaking her head at Chase. "Leave it alone."

"What's her name?" Foreman couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. He had sat quietly and let Chase ask the questions, but the Aussie hadn't gotten any information out of House that had meant anything to Foreman.

"I believe she goes by…Damn Annoying." House turned to look at Foreman, his sarcasm making his lips twist into an arrogant smirk.

"But if you're her unc—" Chase began.

"Say it," House interrupted. "And you're out of a job."

"Her name's Laura," Cameron clarified. Chase and Foreman nodded.

"What is she doing here?" House demanded. "I left her with Cuddy for a reason."

"Yeah?" Cameron challenged. "She came up to me from wandering the halls and asked if I knew her 'Uncle Greg'."

Chase shook his head at as he heard the name. "…God, that sounds so weird."

"Get over it," House ordered sharply, annoyed at Chase's disbelief. He turned back to Cameron and his blue eyes didn't soften.

"You should've left her wandering the halls, then. At least she wouldn't have been _here_."

-o0o-

House's team was too easily distracted, as far as the cynical doctor was concerned. Since Laura had walked in, the three younger doctors hadn't taken their eyes off of her. As she explored the room silently—that was the only thing that kept House from murdering her; her ability to stay quiet and not talk and annoy—Chase, Cameron and Foreman's eyes all followed her around the room.

"How entertaining can one seven-year-old girl be?" House said in annoyance, trying unsuccessfully to have his team's attention back to something slightly less boring. He had abandoned his spot at his desk in favor of the big recliner-like chair in the corner of the room. It put more space between him and the kid, and even brought him closer to the doctors, but they didn't seem to notice. "She walks, she talks, she occasionally breaks things. She laughs and she cries. She—"

"…Is your niece," Foreman said. His eyes never left Laura.

"Right," House said sarcastically. "The fact that she's related to me makes her ability to walk and talk _so_ much more interesting"

The team didn't respond.

"What is so _damn_ interesting?" House turned to look in the direction his employees were—right at Laura. The little girl had dropped down on her knees and crawled under his desk, exploring. She was so far under that nothing but her small feet were visible, and as House watched in annoyance, even they disappeared.

"Amazing." House still laced his voice with sarcasm. "She can do magical-disappearances."

When no one humored him with a response he could then turn into another cynical remark, House made a sound of disgust and reached for a magazine. He got distracted, though, when he looked out the window-walls that made up his room.

Because House's doctors were watching Laura and nothing else, House was the first—and only—person to see a dark-haired brunette woman heading down the hallway to his office. It was action he saw a often, really; Cuddy was constantly coming to check in on him to make sure that he wasn't doing something stupid, or made it a habit to yell at him for doing that stupid something anyway. That was why he was able to react calmly.

"When she gets here and asks what I did," House told his team, who now looked generally confused at how random his statement was, "I didn't do it."

-o0o-

"House, I'm so _sorry. _She was right _there_ and then_—_it's all my _fault_!"

When Lisa Cuddy finished her frantic, rushed apology by way of greeting, a silent surprise fell over the room. No one could believe that Cuddy was telling House she was sorry for something _she_ did, especially when it was always the latter doctor doing something he should apologize for, and then not feel even a little bit of remorse.

Even House found it a bit surprising, though he hid it better than the team of doctors that had allowed their mouths to hit the floor. Instead of gaping, he leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head and scolded the female doctor.

"Of course it is. When isn't anything not your fault?" He stretched his arms above his head lazily. "So…what did you do?"

"Laura…she's gone. She must have left my office when I was on the phone." Cuddy's eyes were filled with worry. "I can't find her anywhere."

House's head turned quickly to stare at his desk. His niece was still completely under it, and not even a part of her was visible to anyone in the room. He looked thoughtful for a minute, and after shooting a warning _look_ at the team that could only be interpreted as an order to stay quiet, he turned his head back to face Cuddy.

"You should probably try to find her, otherwise she might do something bad that could jeopardize the well-being of the hospital and—what was that other thing?" House pretended to think. "Oh, yeah…your _job._"

"You're not even worried about your niece?" Cuddy might've guessed then and there that something was up, but since it was House—who cared very little for very few—she never suspected a thing.

"I might be more concerned if I actually considered her my niece," House said. "Or if you weren't so obviously doing that job for me—if you're so damn worried over the bugger, find her."

House was having a time seeing Cuddy squirm, but his god-forsaken niece chose just that moment to end his game. With a small _Achoo! _she crawled backward out from under his desk and said, "It's _really_ dusty under there, Uncle Greg. Don't you clean it?"

House looked from Laura to Cuddy, who was also looking at Laura, and put on a falsely bright grin. "Well, would you look at that! You found her." He made a face of fake appreciation and added, "You're good."

"You were just going to let me panic, weren't you?" Cuddy was hardly surprised.

"Pft," House scoffed. "That doesn't sound like something I'd do at all."

"Actually, it almost _defines_ what you do." Chase obviously wasn't on House's side. But he said no more when House looked his way.

"If you want to hide her from me," Cuddy started heading towards the door, "then she can stay here with you."

Taking her revenge on House the best way she knew how—by sticking him with the little girl—the doctor turned and left the room without so much as a 'good-bye'.

House let his head collapse on his chest. "Damn."

"_House!_" Cameron scolded it in a whisper, and gestured with her palm to the small girl that was sitting cross-legged on the floor next the desk. "Don't talk like that around her."

House didn't even move. "You should hear the way her mother curses."

-o0o-

The day was over.

House could go home.

And, the way the he saw things, the sooner he got home, the sooner Natalie would arrive to take her bugger away from him.

The talented doctor had never known such relief as what he felt now.

"You're not staying late tonight?" Cameron asked. "No extra things to work on, nothing?"

"Are you kidding?" House asked disbelievingly. "I'm leaving _now_. My shift's over."

As he spoke, he quickly threw his leather jacket on, and grabbed his book-bag from its spot on the back of his chair. Then he stopped and stood there, unmoving.

"What's wrong?" Chase stopped at the doorway, looking at him over his shoulder. He had previously been following Foreman out, who had already left.

"Where's my cane?" House's eyes were narrowed in annoyance. He looked all around him, in each corner of the room, but the object that nearly defined House was nowhere to be seen.

Chase and Cameron looked around, too. At nearly the same time, their gazes landed on the same thing…or rather, _person_. Cameron lowered her head to hide her amusement, and Chase's eyes widened. Both of them remind silent, trying to make the subtle movements even less noticeable, but House saw them.

"What…?" He began suspiciously. But, just then, he saw what his doctors had already noticed.

Just outside the room, clearly visible thanks to the glass-walls, was Laura. She was walking to the door, then turning around abruptly when she reached it and pacing back to the other side of the hallway, where she would spin around and repeat the process.

And in her hand she held House's cane, causing her gait to be more of a limp than a walk.

Feeling everyone's eyes on her, she stopped and looked at them. With a jubilant wave she yelled out loudly.

"_Look_, Uncle Greg! I'm _you_!"

-o0o-

When Gregory House walked through the door of his home, he just stood there for a minute to congratulate himself. He had made it home without killing the kid. And, better yet, he didn't kill himself, either.

The only thing casting a shadow over his moment was the fact that Laura was still here.

"When is Mommy coming back, Uncle Greg?" she asked, from her spot on the couch. She had come straight in and sat there, watching him. She hadn't done anything to entertain herself. It was a little unnerving from House's end.

"Not soon enough." House sat down in his chair and grabbed the remote before the kid could. He didn't even have the tiniest yearning to watch TV, but he didn't want Laura putting on some show that he'd just as soon overdose on Vicodin than watch.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both child and doctor being very tired. House closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was alone, and Laura actually dozed for awhile.

Both were awoken at the sound of a knock, and then a familiar feminine voice.

"Greg, it's Natalie. I'm back."

-o0o-

"Did you have fun today, Laura?" House's sister said to the top of her daughter's head, looking down at her as she hugged her waist. Natalie didn't sit down on the couch, nor did she pull her purse off her shoulder. She held her keys in her hand, indicating she wasn't staying long.

That observation came much to House's relief; in fact, it pleased him so much he even decided to get up from his chair to stand by the door, hurrying them on their way.

"Yes, yes!" Laura exclaimed in response to her mother's question. "It was very fun!"

"Says you," House mumbled quietly, inaudible to both mother and daughter.

"What did you do today?" Natalie asked laughingly, delighted at her child's excitement.

"He took me for a ride on his motorcycle!" Laura squealed. "We went very, _very_ fast, Mommy! I rode it _two _times, Mom! And I didn't even have to wear a helmet, like I do on my bike!"

"Oh, really?" Natalie's voice was level and calm as she spoke to her daughter, but the expression she gave House was the complete opposite. House cringed under her glare, hoping he wouldn't have to pay for that later on. He immediately regretted telling Laura to make her ride sound dangerous.

"And what else did you do?" This time his sister was not so eager to hear the answer. But she felt she had to ask. "Did you learn anything today?"

"I don't think Uncle Greg's boss likes him very much," Laura whispered to her mother, but House heard. The doctor quickly squared his shoulders and stood straighter, looking indignant. "She called him mean names." A short pause, where Laura seemed to be remembering something. Then she asked, very thoughtfully, "Mom, what's a jackass?"

House coughed loudly, trying to cover up Laura's words or, since that quickly failed, to distract Natalie, but his attempts were in vain. This time it was the female adult in the room that stood up straighter, her turn to look indignant. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out. House figured now would be as good as time as ever to speak up.

"She _so_ did not learn that from me."

Before anything more than a disbelieving eye cast in House's direction could break out between the siblings, Laura kept talking. "Mom am I 'damn annoyin—"

House sprang forward and covered the girl's mouth with his hand, but Natalie's eyes were already narrowed. She'd heard.

House flashed a hopeful grin at his sister and said guiltily, "Now, _that_ one she might have learned from me."

The brother and sister had a minor stare down for a few moments, before Natalie turned towards the door. "Say good-bye to your uncle, Laura. We're going home."

House's hand slipped off Laura's mouth and, staring at it with a look of mild disgust, he wiped it on her shoulder. But his distasteful look only grew larger when Laura turned around to hug his waist.

His body tensed completely, rigid with shock. He immediately moved to push her off. "Get _off_—"

Natalie's eyes flashed dangerously. Fearfully, House forced a grin. He patted the kid's back awkwardly, knowing that if Natalie got any angrier he was a dead man.

Laura looked up at him, her expression one of complete delight. Her arms tightened around him.

"When can I go _back_ to work with you, Uncle Greg?"


End file.
